


How Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days Should Have Ended

by WilyGryphon



Series: Kingdom Hearts HISHE [4]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, HISHE Homage, Villain Pub, how it should have ended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:35:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28512759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WilyGryphon/pseuds/WilyGryphon
Summary: Inspired by the HISHE videos and Spiderfan626, a scripted parody depicting alternate endings of the fourth (second non-numbered) Kingdom Hearts game.
Relationships: Axel & Roxas & Xion (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Kingdom Hearts HISHE [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1710538
Kudos: 3





	How Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days Should Have Ended

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to Disney and Square Enix for making this fantasmic game series, the How It Should Have Ended crew for the hilarious and awesome videos that I am homaging here, and Spiderfan626 for the chain of fanfiction stories with this premise, from which the bulk of my inspiration came from. I hope you enjoy and get a good laugh.
> 
> If you haven't already, please be sure to check out my first two installments in this series, "How Kingdom Hearts Should Have Ended", "How Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories Should Have Ended", and "How Kingdom Hearts II Should Have Ended".
> 
> Happy New Year! May 2021 be better than the last!

In Twilight Town, Xemnas conjures Sora’s name in front of Roxas, then rearranges the letters and adds a Recusant’s Sigil.

Xemnas: I give you… your new name.

Roxas: Saxor?

Xemnas: What? No. It’s Roxas.

Roxas: It looks like Saxor to me.

Xemnas: Oh, nuts. It’s backwards. [Waves his hand and turns the word around so that Roxas can see it properly.] Better?

Roxas: Uh, I guess.

Cut to the Castle That Never Was, where Roxas meets a Nobody strumming his sitar.

Demyx: Hey, newbie. I’m Xymed.

Xemnas facepalms.

HOW KINGDOM HEARTS: 358/2 DAYS SHOULD HAVE ENDED

Roxas follows the Tentaclaws to the Manor Ruins, where he finds the Leechgrave.

Roxas: Whoa! That’s a big guy. Well, no time like the present.

He charges straight at the coffin under the plant head, only to get blasted with poison gas and swatted aside by the arms that poke out of the coffin, forcing him to retreat.

Roxas: Okay, new plan. Maybe cutting these down will disable it.

He attacks a Tentaclaw, but it swallows him whole, and he gets spat out from the Leechgrave’s bud. When he lands, he quickly retreats to the fence by the stream.

Roxas: To heck with this! [Pulls a communicator out and dials. He coughs and affects a hoarse, weak voice.] Xigbar, help! I can’t hold out much longer.

He hangs up, then picks a rock up and hides behind the fence. Xigbar opens a portal and steps out where he was standing, armed with his arrowguns.

Xigbar: Wow. That is a big guy. Now, where are you, kiddo? [Sigh] If we lose the kid, the plan won’t look too good.

Roxas throws the rock at Xigbar’s head, knocking him out. He then collects the arrowguns before he hits the ground and combines them into a sniper rifle, then loads his Keyblade onto it and points it at the Leechgrave.

Roxas: Steady, and…

He fires, the Keyblade piercing the coffin and destroying the Heartless in one shot, spilling out a ton of captive hearts.

Roxas: Bullseye!

<<RWD

Xemnas, Saïx, and Axel meet in the Round Room.

Saïx: There is an imposter lurking around wearing one of our coats.

Xemnas: Then someone must track the imposter down and eliminate him.

Saïx: I nominate Xion.

Axel: Hold up. We don’t know what we’re dealing with. For all we know, this guy is incredibly cunning and deadly. Xion’s had, what? Four months of training and experience? I’m just saying that maybe we should think of sending someone else.

Saïx: Very well.

Cut to Beast’s Castle. Riku turns around to see Demyx standing on the bridge.

Demyx: So, you’re the imposter? Nice to meet you. I’m afraid I’m supposed to dispose of you.

Riku: Uh…

Demyx: DANCE, WATER, DANCE!

Water clones surround a panicking Riku.

FFWD>>

Naminé and DiZ discuss Naminé’s progress with Sora’s memories.

Naminé: If I can’t put all of Sora’s memories back together, he might never wake up. And if he does, then all of his friends won’t remember him.

DiZ: Could you perhaps fabricate copies of those lost memories? You created false memories of yourself for Sora and the Replica. Might you be able to do the same for the memories that you cannot recover?

Naminé: That’s it! I just might be able to do that. And that gives me another idea. Right now, half of his strength is with Roxas, and he doesn’t even have a proper physical body now. If I can get a complete Replica, I can put Sora’s heart in it and restore his strength without having to sacrifice Roxas and Xion.

DiZ: Very well. I believe Axel hid Vexen’s notes after eliminating the academic. I will have Riku work on retrieving them.

Naminé: Thank you.

DiZ: Hmph.

FFWD>>

Roxas attacks the Orcus, only for Axel to come between them and break the illusion, revealing it to be Xion.

Axel: This mission was a setup.

Roxas: What?

Axel: It was rigged so you two would battle each other.

Roxas: Me and Xion? But…

Xion: They would do that?

Axel: Come on. Let’s go.

Roxas: No.

Axel: What?

Roxas: Can we really just go back to the Organization after they just set us up to kill each other?

Xion: Roxas is right. The Organization is just going to use us until it’s convenient to eliminate us. We can’t go back. If you want to stop us…

Axel: What? You’re thinking we should run away? They’ll find us, and if we get on their bad side, they’ll destroy us.

Roxas: No they won’t. Xaldin went missing for a few days and no one knew where he was, only where he went for his mission. And Xion was missing for weeks and no one knew what had happened to her.

Axel: Okay. I guess it’s not a bad idea. But where are we supposed to hide out?

Cut to the three of them in the Villain Pub

Palpatine: But if you deserted them, doesn’t that make you _not_ villains?

Voldemort: Why did you choose to come here, anyway?

Xion: Well, we thought it would be the last place they would look for us.

Joker: Ah, staying unpredictable, I see. Just my style.

Roxas: Also, we tried going to the café and make some friends who could help us fight the Organization if they did track us down, but Superman and Batman aren’t exactly happy about our existence keeping Sora from waking up… whatever that means.

Zod: How do they even still remember Sora? I thought everyone else forgot for some reason.

Xion: Riku’s memory wasn’t affected. I don’t know what his excuse is, or Superman’s, but Batman is Batman.

Axel: And we’d go to the anti-hero food truck, but Riku’s gone there from time to time.

Palpatine: Well, I’ll allow you to stay for now, but the bar closes at 11:30.

Roxas: Sounds fair. Thanks.

Voldemort: If you do stick around, what do you plan to do if one of your old Organization colleagues comes here?

Axel: Well, hopefully, we’ll have come up with a better plan before that happens.

Xion: I wonder if they’ve even caught on that we ditched them.

Cut to the Round Room, where the remaining Organization members have convened to discuss the trio’s disappearance.

Xemnas: Saïx, I am beginning to regret listening to your “Orcus Plan”.

Xigbar: Yeah, way to go.

Demyx: That was pretty dumb.

Luxord: A very risky play with an unfortunate outcome.

Xaldin: Hmph.

Saïx: [Sigh]

Back to the Villain Pub.

Joker: I like your planning.

Voldemort: But isn’t Xion still draining Roxas’ strength like a parasite? What’s your plan for that?

Xion: Yeah, we’re still working on that. If possible, we’ll use Vexen’s notes to figure something out. But worst case scenario, we might ultimately have to go back to Sora.

Roxas: Hey, don’t say that. I don’t want to lose you.

Xion: I don’t want to lose you either.

Axel: I don’t know what I would do if I had to lose either of you.

Voldemort: Okay, this is getting kinda sappy. [Leaves counter]

Joker: [Rolls his eyes] Ugh. [Leaves counter]

Zod: Oh, come on, guys. It’s not that bad.

Roxas: If something happened to you, who would I have ice cream with?

Zod: Barf. [Leaves counter]

Palpatine: And I thought the dialogue in my franchise was corny.

THE END

Back at the Round Room

Xigbar: Shouldn’t we be able to track their location?

Xemnas: It doesn’t quite work like that. It works better in certain contexts, but not others.

Xigbar: Isn’t that a little contrived?


End file.
